Holiday Conversations
As families gather to enjoy food and holiday time together, it can be a good opportunity to discuss estate planning issues for parents. Consider your own family situation and decide if some of the following questions will be beneficial for your family to discuss after a big dinner or during an after-dinner walk:
Do your children know that you have an estate plan?
If so, do they know where to locate the documents when they are needed? Ideally, the person(s) who will be in charge should already have copies of these documents. When you pull these documents together, be sure to remember military service documents, life insurance policies, burial pre-need/pre-paid services and plot deeds, marriage certificates, inventories and appraisals of valuable collections.
Are your estate documents old? Should they need be updated?
Laws change, family members change, health situations change, estates change, and your documents may not have all the powers that are needed. Do your own review at least once a year, and have a professional review them every two years in case federal or state laws have changed and impact the estate plan’s structure.
If you need to name a person(s) to act on your behalf for financial and medical decisions, have you told this person that you have nominated him or her? Will this person be prepared to act?
If not, you may need to reconsider your choice. If you plan to use your children, consider their innate capabilities or training for financial matters or medical crises rather than their birth order or gender. And remember, you can use one person for financial matters and another for medical decisions.
Do the children understand your wishes about how to care for you as you age? How do you feel about in-home caregivers, assisted living, memory care, and nursing homes?
Take into consideration what the family should do if you are no longer able to care for yourself and caregiving in the home is not working. When a person has serious medical needs or is an escape risk due to dementia or Alzheimer’s, a home environment often doesn’t work well. Giving permission to your children to place you in a nursing home can ease the guilt children experience when they feel forced to place a parent in a nursing home for safety.
How do you feel about end-of-life decisions? Do your children know if you want to be kept alive by life support or feeding tubes or have you clearly stated you do not want to be kept alive if you cannot recover and have a meaningful life?
An advance health care directive prior to a previous hospital stay is not enough. Everyone also needs a health care power of attorney to make health care decisions that are not quite end-of-life.
Do you believe there will be disputes about your assets at your death?
If so, a conversation clearly stating what you wish may help to prevent future disputes. Asset inventories and specific designations also help. Of course, in some families, this tactic will not work so you must judge your own family dynamics and situation. You might also consider giving certain assets now so that you can enjoy the beneficiaries’ appreciation.
These topics are not festive, but discussing them is crucial to a peaceful aging and estate process. Take time when everyone is available – like the upcoming holidays – to make sure everyone clearly understands your estate plan. Or make an early resolution or decision to create an estate plan now that expresses your preferences.